Handling Disappointments in Relationships

love

We go into different relationships from time to time for one purpose or the other. Depending on what and who is involved in the relationship and the circumstances surrounding it, we are exposed to different kinds of experiences both the ones we anticipated and the ones we do not. These experiences impact us differently too.

True, establishing and maintaining good relationships involves huge investments especially the investment of time and emotions aside many other things. At times, you may put in so much into the relationship expecting much from it, but all you could get is pains, disappointment, heartbreak, betrayals even from those you trusted with the whole of your heart. It may become difficult to trust and open your heart to people as a result. This is a foundational premise for the "TRUST - NOBODY" paradigm. But the question is,

WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OR DISAPPOINT?

In life, nothing happens for nothing. Somethings or somebody is responsible for everything that happens in life. And you can only influence the outcome of an event by first knowing and then, influencing what or who is responsible for it.
Many a time, we really wished we could change the course of things in our relationships with people who we've had hard times in dealing with, but we can only do this if we understand the circumstances prevalent over that occurrence. This demands real empathy.
Let's look at some of the reasons why people do fail or disappoint:

1.  Human imperfection: No human is perfect. We are all full of weaknesses which manifest in one way or the other depending on how circumstances trigger them.  As we grow and get more mature, we may work on these weaknesses to improve on them or possibly mask them. But once in a while, they may still manifest in ways we cannot help. It becomes more grievous or hurting when this becomes a recurrent decimal. When a person's weaknesses interfere with the affairs and purpose of a relationship.Since we cannot avoid relating with people as we live daily, it becomes important us to know who we are dealing with. We have to understand the person's strength as well as weaknesses to know what to expect and how to relate. You have to ascertain your level of compatibility with each other, how you complement each other. If your values contradict and contravene each other, then the relationship may be plagued with frustrations and headed for a crash.


2. Prevailing circumstances: There are times our actions may not be congruent with our intentions because of prevailing circumstances. At times, situations may compare us to do what we never intended to do and this may make people misrepresent our person. We are humans, with flesh and blood. We are emotional beings. We do respond to different circumstances in different ways depending on our spiritual, mental, physical and otherwise capacities and maturity. It is true that not everybody can withstand pressure. Maybe:
   •   Pressure from personal needs we are trying to meet especially in today's world where people are being exposed to all kinds of stress as a result of the ailing and catastrophic socio-economic and political systems.
   •  Pressure from family,friends and well-wishers.
   •  Pressure from your job or personal business.
   • Pressure from constituted Authorities like the Government to meet up with some civic and legal obligations.
   These and many more can make you fail when you never intended to. And if the other party doesn't care enough to find out why you acted the way you do, he/she may begin to read wrong meanings to it and may begin to believe or trust you less in that regard
3. Expectations: There are times we expect too much from people that they could offer too little. Most times, because of what and how much we put into some relationships, we do expect something in return. And if it happens that the person we expect it from couldn't meet up probably because he doesn't have it or have too little of it, you may feel disappointed.
   When you understand what and how much a person can offer, and expect from him in that light, the relationship will be more frictionless, productive and safer.
   The key to overcoming heartbreak in relationships is understanding what and how much the other party can offer. If this satisfies your inner cravings at the core, then you may define the purpose of the relationship in the light of what you can offer each other. But if you discover the person does not have what you are looking for in that kind of relationship, then there is no need going into it in the first place. One can only offer what and how much he has. Know who worth a place in your life and where they worth in life as well.
   More so, don't conclude a person based on his/her past or what you were told about the person. Anybody can change any time. Judge the person based on his present dispositions and future prospects.
4. Furthermore, always communicate your expectations in any kind of relationship from the beginning and as long as the relationship lasts. Don't assume the other party should understand because he may not. And also, don't fail to appreciate the other party whenever he/she meets a need in your life. It's very important.
5. In addition, learn to forgive and let go when you are hurt. Remember, you might have been hurting other people in some ways too. Don't take peoples offenses too serious. Please note that:
   
   
   • Offences are very heavy and you can't bear it in the mind of the offender. And the more of it you bear in your mind, the less you move forward in life.
   • Unforgiveness is a fire that burns the offender before the offender.
   • Any relationship that is now productive must have suffered and survived several heartbreaks in the past.
   • Nobody can hurt you persistently without your permission.

You have a responsibility to determine which relationship to go into and how to make it work.
Remain blessed!